September 23, 2010

Breakdowns, Slowdowns, and HAPPINESS

“1.2.3. Spiritual Order” acrylic paint/collage by Shawn Stratmann

Sometimes it is hard to see the reasons behind life’s curve balls. Two weeks ago, in one day’s time, my computer broke down, my car broke down, we were rejected by a shelter for a new puppy because we live on a busy road, and I learned that my favorite web designer’s schedule is full until the end of the year just as I am ready to launch my next project.

On this one day, I experienced moments of frustration and probably performed more than one “poor me” speech to my friends and family. As I laid in bed that night, I started thinking about what I couldn’t do without a computer or a car. “I can’t check e-mail or write on my blog, I can’t go here or there…blah, blah, blah”. Just as I was about to close my eyes I looked over at my nightstand and caught a glimpse of the spine one of my favorite books by Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”.

Here is the thing about that moment. I don’t believe there are any accidents. I don’t think I have noticed that book in a year and there it was pulled out and calling me to “LOVE what is”. I spent a minute feeling guilty for my “poor me” attitude and not being grateful enough and then I took a deep breath, and said out loud….”Let it go!!!!” There was a reason I didn’t have a car, a puppy or a computer and I was ready to be open to why and went to sleep.

I woke up in the morning with a burst of energy that I hadn’t had in a LONG time. Wafting into my thoughts was this POST from March.

I haven’t MADE the time to ponder much of anything on this list. I think that subconsciously I have chosen not to tackle the “Fit by 40″ questions because I might FEAR the outcome of some of the answers.

The GIFT of not having a computer to sit at all day or a car to drive around or a brand new puppy nipping at my ankles was that I for the first time in months, had TIME. The list of questions popping into my head needed some attention and I now had the SPACE AND TIME to start answering and to perhaps ACT in accordance.

So here is where I started….

When do I feel the happiest?

I feel the happiest when I call myself an ARTIST. Whether that is through writing, photography, cooking, painting, or sewing….CREATING is when my heart pounds with excitement and time stands still. I am ready to embrace what it means to be an ARTIST. I will challenge myself to create and reflect my true thoughts, self, and vision through my work.

In the two weeks I was without a computer, I completed eight paintings/collage pieces. I patterned and designed two journal jackets and started a pillow set. I completed a Photoshop course at the community college (something I had wanted to do for two years since I got Photoshop) and I read three books on creativity. And finally, I dreamed. I DREAMED and sketched and mind mapped a plan for what is next. I gained some spiritual order for myself (and an inspiration for my art) and I am ready to fly!

Thank goodness for breakdowns and slowdowns. Isn’t it amazing how things happen as they should?


Down home friends and what they say...

Comments (1)

Jen@thecottagenest said:

Beautiful post! I’m feeling bod downed by having too many choices and spending to much time on the computer. You’ve inspired me to unplug and get busy. I’m so glad I came by today.

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